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Poster: patkelleyPA Date: Jun 28, 2010 9:05am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Sobriety

Hello Forum Friends!

I have just returned from two weeks of inpatient treatment at a rehab hospital in Northeast Ohio. I am an alcoholic, and my drinking, in recent years, had begun to spiral out of control. About 3 or 4 months ago I crossed the "finish line" and began drinking heavily in the mornings and continuing all day and all night. As bad as my drinking was, so was my denial. My breaking point occurred a little more than two weeks ago, when I turned up so drunk to Court, that a sheriff's deputy breathalyzed me in the hall. My BAC was .071, and I was kicked out of the Courtroom. Thank God I wasn't held in contempt and incarcerated.

That afternoon I checked into rehab, where I spent two days in detox, and the remaining 12 days in counseling, therapy, and lectures. I am not a transformed person yet, but I am well on my way. For those of you who know, I have "completed" Step One, and I have accepted my disease and am willing to do something about it.

I am reaching out here in this forum for any encouraging words or advice or tips anyone might have for me. Although I don't post as much as I used to, I still follow the board every day, and have come to associated names with online personalities. I feel as though I know some of you, and support from others is one of the biggest parts of recovery.

Thanks to you all. -PK

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Poster: cosmic charlie dupree Date: Jun 28, 2010 11:00am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Hi Pat - congratulations on your decision to make a change, and for your progress so far! It takes a lot of courage to come clean to friends & family, but hopefully it's also a weight off your shoulders.

No two situations are exactly alike, but my sister is going through this right now - she started treatment about 6 months ago... initially she felt so guilty about having deceived everyone, but she quickly got over when she realized how good it felt to get rid of the secret, and how coming clean allowed people in her life to support her.

BTW, you share the same name as my late father, so I always feel compelled to read your posts :-) Anway, we are all pulling for you!

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Poster: midnightcarousel Date: Jun 28, 2010 6:16pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Only piece of advice I would give is to take your time with the steps. Many rush through them, but the "point" of them in some sense is to take a while to let it sink in, because there are many layers to them. Some people spend a year on each.

It's a challenging journey but a rewarding one, so keep coming back, it works if you work it, as they say...

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Poster: Street Pig ! Date: Jun 28, 2010 7:48pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Easy Does it but do it!
First of many sober shows was earlier stated Duke 82

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Poster: Street Pig ! Date: Jun 28, 2010 7:50pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

ooooppps the pics

Attachment: phil1_4_2_82.jpg
Attachment: phil1_4_2_82.jpg

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Poster: high flow Date: Jun 28, 2010 10:16am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

I've seen this denial in a family member and I know just how destructive it can be. Until you see alcoholism up-close it is hard to understand.

I've seen it.

That is why I am proud of you PK. You had the guts to face reality and make a new start.

I wish you the best of luck.

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Poster: Cliff Hucker Date: Jun 28, 2010 10:04am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

I started holding my breath after reading that you showed up to court in such a condition. I'm glad you were not disbarred!

Good luck to you and very best wishes as you navigate into unfamilar waters. Knowing you on this forum for quite a while now, I do believe that you will be fine and back on top again in no time, in spite of your preference for late-era Grateful Dead!

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Poster: buscameby Date: Jun 28, 2010 11:52am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Bless you on your journey Pat. Know your not the first Irishman to fight the demon!

My fight with alcohol was more because I fought the marching powder but both are difficult when they have you in their grip.

You've made the BIG Choice and now you need all your will power and the support you can get. When you want that next drink or what ever find friends who are real support and go be with them or on the phone or on Skype or however you can find support but don't stay alone with your inner demons.

Come here and let one or more of us reach out and grab your hand and help lift you till your strong again.

Have no doubt you will be tempted but you will and can get through it!!!

If you want my email or phone number you can ask anytime.

Also, if you you fall once it doesn't mean its over it means you have to start again but we won't judge we'll just stay closer.

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Poster: Mandojammer Date: Jun 29, 2010 7:20am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Pat -

Just remember, it's a marathon and not a sprint. Some miles are easy, some miles really suck. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep your eye on the horizon looking for the next mile marker.

Every now and then look right and left and realize that you have an assembly of goofballs in this Forum willing to help in any way they can - some have been where you were, some went through it with friends and family, others are just ready to provide whatever support they can.

You are at mile 1 and there's plenty of time to finish this race.

Keep plugging - I'll have a bottle of water ready for you at mile 6.....

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Poster: patkelleyPA Date: Jun 29, 2010 7:32am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

See you at mile 6 my friend!

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Poster: user unknown Date: Jun 28, 2010 9:24am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Positive thoughts, vibes and prayers coming your way.

You say you've completed step one. Just remember even the longest journey begins with the first step. Stay strong and stay the course. One day at the time brother. Godspeed, my friend.

This post was modified by user unknown on 2010-06-28 16:24:04

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Poster: Skippy61 Date: Jun 28, 2010 11:54am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

hi PK

i too am a recovering alcoholic, it has been 16 years since my last drink. It takes a lot of bravery to admit you have a problem, I would like to say it will be easy, but I don't lie to folks, there will be times when it will be very hard to stay on the Path, but KNOW this, if you are well and truly tired of being sick and tired; you can do it.

Sometimes it is one second at a time, not one day at a time, but you can DO IT. Reaching out and knowing you are not alone is a great support, don't be afraid to use it~!

I remember an older gent a meeting I went to asked "who here has been sober the longest?" one said 10 years, another 11, another 25... the gent just sat there and smiled
he said "well those are great numbers but you are fooling yourselves, yesterday means nothing if you lose sight of today... so the fella that has been sober the longest, is the guy that got outta bed first this morning."

not to discount your accomplishments so far, I am VERY proud of how far I have come, and of you brother. I, however like to remember that story to keep things in perspective.

put on some Dead to soothe your soul, i like some 85 shows too...lol, and if I can be of any help do not hesitate to ask.

Peace:Skippy

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Poster: johnnyonthespot Date: Jun 28, 2010 10:08am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

well Pat, this certainly explains why you think that 85 show is that good.

All kidding aside, best of luck to you man. It takes a big person to look within themselves and reach out for help. Good for you.

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Poster: fenario80 Date: Jun 28, 2010 11:30am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Hey Pat,

I have walked this road but I don't have any words of wisdom for you. The wordsmith made the most important point above, which is to just keep going forward no matter what the road throws at you.

We've learned a way of living and coping that we've followed for 10, 20, 30 or 40 years and then it doesn't work anymore and we have to learn something new. I promised myself 2 things: I would remember the desperation that led me to seek help, and that I would never go back there. So far, so good.

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Poster: jglynn1.2 Date: Jun 29, 2010 6:38am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Hey Pat, Glad you survived and made it to a turning point. Stay strong and hope all goes well.

Jim

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Jun 28, 2010 12:42pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Hey PK - congrats on step one and beginning your fight!! I am so glad you are taking sobriety head on (not that i had any idea you had a problem.) My own battle has been well documented on this forum (sometimes ad infinitum and often in embarrassing, selfinduced ways - much to my dismay)

no matter how difficult it seems at times (and it will) - always try to stay within the moment, accept that it IS indeed difficult, and be assured that the "moment" will pass.

It's been 21 months for me now - certainly far less than some people on this board, but i have never been happier in my life. My kids like me again and enjoy having me around (and i them.) But I will admit, not a single day goes by without me at least "thinking" about alcohol. Not that i "want" a drink, but the thought "of" a drink is never far from my consciousness. Thankfully, i just flat out dont "want" one. Memories of the horrors stay just as much in the forefront of my thoughts as do the thoughts of the drink itself.

anyways - enough babbbling.

if you EVER need to talk - let me know - i lurk here every day. I will give you my email and/or my phone number. trust me, i would be MORE than happy to talk, or just shoot the shit, if that is what you need at any particular moment.

again HUGE CONGRATS!!! dont give up no matter what - it is most assuredly a journey, not a destination.

peace!!

don

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Poster: johnnyonthespot Date: Jun 28, 2010 4:03pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

this reminds me I've been meaning to congratulate you! almost two years? I didn't realize it was that long. I'm sure your still an ass, just apparently more quiet about it.

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Jun 28, 2010 4:58pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

lol :)

thanks JOTS! it does feel like it has gone by in a flash.


and yes, i am still an ass - just ask my kids.....

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Poster: robthewordsmith Date: Jun 28, 2010 2:19pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Well done, brother. I knew you'd step up. You are one of the good people and I'll advertise that fact as long as I'm posting here.


Even if I am a Fool...

:-)

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Poster: direwolf0701 Date: Jun 28, 2010 3:57pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

thank you my friend - as you are one of the truly good people here as well.

(and a Fool in only the most kindhearted of ways)

;)



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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Jun 28, 2010 10:44am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

I had a wee bit of an opiate problem in the '80's Pat . It was hell . Almost , and that's the key , lost the whole deal @ several points . One day I just left that scene and all the people associated w/ it. It was not easy .
Positive vibrations are key . The swirl of negativity is swift and suddenly you are a few steps back . Which may , or the unvarnished truth , will happen . That's were honesty about you with yourself comes in . Ultimately , it's do you want to die ? ( I'm know that's where a lot of head space has been for you lately ). If not , then you must pick yourself up . And You are doing that . You , right now , are picking yourself up . That's balls , and a will to live and not die @ the bottom of a 1/2 gallon . Reach out Pat . Keep reaching out .
If you are involved in a 12 step program , then there is a spiritual component . Whatever your faith , find a good ' church ' family . It will help you immeasurably . The search can be frustrating , too weird , too phony , too whatever , but when you come down right , man it feels good .

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Poster: vapors Date: Jun 29, 2010 1:05pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

A day late with this – Good for you Pat to make this effort. Coming to terms with oneself and taking the steps to make a lasting change are not easy. Each day is a hard won victory. I wish you continued strength on your path to sobriety. I know how difficult it is to do. I recognize the hopelessness of my addiction and maintain a vigilant grip more often than not these days, but easily admit that the battle is far from over.

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Poster: patkelleyPA Date: Jun 29, 2010 1:18pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Thanks vapors. I accept that I am powerless over alcohol, without question. That acceptance was harder to arrive at than most things I've ever done. Keep fighting the good fight!

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Poster: Jim F Date: Jun 30, 2010 2:39am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

"I remember an older gent a meeting I went to asked "who here has been sober the longest?" one said 10 years, another 11, another 25... the gent just sat there and smiled
he said "well those are great numbers but you are fooling yourselves, yesterday means nothing if you lose sight of today... so the fella that has been sober the longest, is the guy that got outta bed first this morning.""

That is a really wonderful quote. Says it all. Good luck to you, Pat. I don't know ya but I wish you well.

And I also want to echo that hopefully they can rehabilitate your love for 85 GD, too. :P

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Poster: robthewordsmith Date: Jun 28, 2010 10:23am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

I know for sure that there are good people on this forum who have trod the same path you're on now. I can only give you encouraging words but these guys will be able to help you with inside knowledge of the road ahead. There are friends aplenty here who I have confidence will step up for you. Believe it if you need it... and good luck on your journey. If you stumble on the way that doesn't matter, the most important thing is picking yourself up and taking another step.

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Poster: jerlouvis Date: Jun 28, 2010 11:12am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Sobriety

Hi Pat,I have seen 3 close friends with severe alcohol/drug problems come through the program sober.My advice to you would be to have faith in yourself and the program.All the best.

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